Posted by: The Red Shoe Girl | April 28, 2010

Doughnut lickers

Let me preface this by saying that there is a sort of unwritten and rarely ever followed rule among girls that when one girl establishes some connection (whether real, imagined or 15 years old) with a boy, the other girls get notice to back off (That’s the part that no one ever follows). Basically, it allows girls the ability to “lick the doughnut” (like your little brother when the box of doughnuts comes home and he licks the ones he wants so no one else will eat them…) so no other girl will want it, thus allowing her to keep her options WIDE open.

Have you heard of them? This is the kind of girl who treats boys like doughnuts, for example:

You are telling your friend about a date you recently went on, or someone you just met… The doughnut licker comes up and listens in on your previously private conversation. Here’s how it goes…

You – “So I went on a date last night with *insert name here*”

Your friend – “Oh, fun! How was it?”

You – “It was gr….”

Doughnut licker – “Oh! I know him, we’re basically engaged.”

You – “Oh, really? How do you know him?”

Doughnut licker – “He’s my ex-boyfriend’s sister’s best friend’s aunt’s stepson’s best friend. We go way back!”

You – “Oh that’s cool…”

Doughnut licker – “Yeah, like last week he told my friend’s sister’s dog that he liked me and I sent him a message on facebook and I was all, ‘so it’s cool that you like me, so are we a thing now?’ but he hasn’t answered yet but I’m so sure he will. When did he ask you out? It was probably before he decided he liked me, anyway.”

You – “*cricket chirps*”

Doughnut licker – “But anyway, I’ll see you later okay?”

OR here’s an alternate conversation…

You – “So I went on a date last night with *insert name here*”

Your friend – “Oh, fun! How was it?”

Doughnut licker – “Oh! I remember him! We got married when we were like 2, awesome right??”

You/Your friend – “That’s cool…”

Doughnut licker – “Yeah, it was pretty sweet. I’ve seen him in a diaper… lol.”

You – “Wow, good thing you’re not 2 now right? haha…”

Doughnut licker – “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I don’t know what you’re talking about. Anyway, I hope you had fun, see you later!”

Awkward silence follows and no one is exactly sure what to say and you’re left with a stabby feeling.



P.S. – Next, I’ll be talking about the “Ooh, you have that toy and now I want it” girl. Stay tuned!


  1. Brilliant. Also, highly insightful.

  2. Well thank you :)

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