Posted by: The Red Shoe Girl | August 13, 2010

I am selfish


There are some words you never want to hear in the same sentence.  Mom and cancer are arguably two of the worst.  Now the only word that solidifies in my head is no, no, no, no, no…

And the only sentence I can manage to completely form is what am I going to do?

My mother raised me to be a strong, capable, independent person, but do you ever stop needing your mother? When I was a tiny person.  I would regularly wander away from wherever I was playing to check on my mom.  It was enough to just see her and have her smile at me.  That would be the reassurance required for me to go back to whatever I was doing.  As an adult I still will send my mom a quick text in the middle of my day just to check in.  Her “I love you Al. You’re wonderful.” is all I need.  It’s simple. Pure. Real.

I always thought that, no matter where I was, my mother and the calm comfort she offers would always be within reach.

What will I do if she ever goes away? No, no, no, no, no….

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