Posted by: The Red Shoe Girl | August 17, 2010


I hate that game.

Not just because it’s an exercise in public humiliation.  My legs are too long and they don’t bend in that way.  They just stop bending and my joints pop out.  It’s not pretty.  Joint failure set to horrid music.

It’s because I don’t like the word limbo.  I don’t do well with uncertainty.  Even while cooking. I get stressed if the directions say to bake for 12-18 minutes.  My palms sweat and I worry.  Come on Betty!  How long??  12 or 18?! That’s a pretty big spread!!  I feel better when, after checking the oven for the hundredth time, I discover that it takes 15 minutes exactly.  Now I can pin it down.  I know how long.  15.  15 works.  I can do 15.

I like known quantities.  I like my life to have a degree of predictability.  I like the stability of certainty.  Uncertainty makes me feel completely adrift.  (I’m not a good swimmer either.  So awkward.  It’s really embarrassing.)  I find myself flailing around trying to find something solid.  Some anchor to replace the thing that decided to go all ambiguous or unsettled on me.

I’m feeling rather sea-sick lately.

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